


In Utter Devotion

by orphan_account



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anniversary of Steve's Death, Being safe with ratings, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:58:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She hated realizing she wasn’t good enough for Peggy: it split her between feeling the need to leave the beautiful, wonderful English woman and wanting to tighten her grip even more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Angie Martinelli felt sick to her stomach. Every time she caught a glimpse of a customer’s newspaper, she wanted to cry a little bit, but had to pull on a cheery smile and refill their cup with coffee. Everyone was talking about it, or it at least felt that way.

 

The date was April 18th - the day Steve Rogers’s plane went down in the Atlantic Ocean. The day the world lost Captain America. The day Peggy Carter lost the love of her life.

 

Normally, Angie could get past the fact she was Peggy’s second choice. After all, how could a simple waitress and want-to-be actress compare with the late, great Captain America? No, normally she could live with the fact that Peggy, deep down, wanted to be with someone who died a few years ago. Sure, it stung, but normally she could live with it.

 

But the reality of it really sunk in when Angie had woken up alone in bed. It happened sometimes, when Peggy needed to wake up early, but wanted to let her continue to rest. But that morning, when Angie stumbled sleepily into the kitchen to make breakfast, Peggy was sitting at the table with a cup of tea, staring blankly out the window. She didn’t even acknowledge Angie’s presence with ‘good morning’ or a nod of the head. It wasn’t until Angie saw the newspaper headline laying untouched in front of Peggy - _Anniversary of Captain America’s Death: We will Remember_ \- that she understood what was happening. Peggy had been lost in thought all morning, barely speaking and leaving without so much as a goodbye.

 

That hurt more than Angie wanted to admit. It even made her a little angry, only there wasn’t anyone to be angry at. Peggy had every right to be distant on the day of her former love’s death and of course the media was going to be publishing the story - the man had been an international hero, after all. Angie couldn’t even bring herself to be angry at the perfect Captain. He was a hero, and moreover, a great enough man for Peggy to fall in love with. He had died trying to protect the free world, not something a lot of people would be willing to do. It wasn’t his fault he was so phenomenal and Angie was just a nobody.

 

Still, Angie dreaded April 18th, because it made all of her insecurities come to the surface. She hated realizing she wasn’t good enough for Peggy: it split her between feeling the need to leave the beautiful, wonderful English woman and wanting to tighten her grip even more. It was always in the back of her mind that any day could be her last with Peggy - that one day the woman would come home and tell Angie she didn’t want to be together anymore, pack up her bags, and leave. The thought only became more persistent on the date of Captain America’s death, leaving her feeling physically ill.

 

“Hey, Angie,” one of the other waitresses called, knocking her out of her thoughts. “Ya mind takin’ out the trash?”

 

“Sure,” Angie said, thankful for the opportunity to briefly escape the crowded automat. Quickly, she tied the ends of the black sack and hauled it through the back exit.

 

Angie threw the bag into the dumpster and collapsed against the outer wall of the L&L, trying to convince herself to go back inside. She had four more hours left on her shift and she wasn’t sure how she was going to make it, with people constantly talking about the war and Captain America. Even when her shift was over, she would be returning to an empty home. Peggy probably wouldn’t be back for a long time, and that meant Angie was going to have to be alone with her thoughts.

 

_She wouldn’t even look at you if he was still alive_ , a terrible voice whispered in the back of her head. The worst part is that it was true, no matter which way Angie looked at it. If Steve Rogers had survived the war, Peggy would be in his arms and not plain old Angie’s. She never would have walked into the automat, and even if by some miracle she had, Peggy probably wouldn’t have spared the waitress a second thought. Who would if they had a boy like Captain America at home?

 

Yes, Angie hated April 18th.

 

With a deep sigh, Angie pushed herself off the wall to head back inside the restaurant. She would have time to cry later. 

 

“Well look at you, baby girl,” a voice said slyly. “How you been?”

 

Angie spun around to see a tall, lanky man with choppy black hair and a nose turned crooked from being broken too many times. He had cruel eyes - the same dull grey she remembered from years ago. David Acone, her ex-boyfriend from three years back, was standing in front of her. The man who had kicked her when he was in a bad mood or punched her when he had a bad betting night. The man who drank and gambled away all of his money, who stole from her purse every time his own funds went dry. The man who gave her a black eye when she confronted him about a missing pay check. The man she had spent months running from and years trying to recover from. _That_ was the man standing in front of her.

 

“What do you want, Acone?” Angie was proud of how steady her voice was, despite how terrified she felt. She couldn’t even get her feet to move towards the backdoor to the L&L, but at least she sounded confident.

 

“Don’t be that way,” he crooned. A shudder went through Angie as he walked forward, now efficiently blocking her escape route. “I just wanted to see my best girl. What’s wrong with that?”

 

“I ain’t your girl anymore,” Angie growled. “It’s over between us, y’hear? It’s been over for a log time.”

 

He smirked, but Angie thought it looked a lot more like a snarl. “Don’t be that way, baby. Don’t tell me you don’t miss me, even a little bit.”

 

“I’ve moved on.” She was trying so hard to be brave, but it was hard to do in the face of the man who had put her in a hospital for two days when she finally got the sense to leave him for good. “I’m seein’ someone else now, Acone, so leave me alone.”

 

“Who’s the lucky fella?” David asked, but didn’t seem daunted at all by the statement. 

 

“Carter,” Angie answered loudly. “Fought in the war besides Captain America himself and sure as hell wouldn’t like you touchin’ me.”

 

David looked a little lost at the mention of Captain America’s name, but recovered quickly enough. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll leave you alone if you help me out. I’ve gotten in some trouble, see? Need a bit of cash to help get out of it. Mind helping an old friend out?”

 

“Sorry, but you’re on your own.” Angie tried to push him away, but David was significantly taller and stronger than her and easily able to keep her in place. He grabbed her forearms and held her tightly.

 

“C’mon, baby.” His voice had lost the sick sweetness it had earlier and Angie could feel her stomach flip. “For old times sake.”

 

“David, I don’t—”

 

He wouldn’t even let her finish. His fist connected with the side of her jaw, causing her tocry out in pain and stumble back against the wall. David stood above her, keeping his voice low as he spoke. “Listen here, bitch. I’m fucking tired of listening to you act so high and mighty. You’re a goddamned waitress, understand? You’ve got no fucking right to look down on me.”

 

“Please,” she begged, “Let me go.”

 

Her words fell on deaf ears, though. David punched her in her stomach and she fell down onto the hard pavement. Everything was spinning now and Angie could hardly breathe, let alone fight back. She prayed it was enough for him to see her on the ground in pain, but she felt his foot slam into her and grunted in pain.

 

“Peggy,” she muttered under her breath.

 

That was the worst thing she could have possibly done, though. “Peggy?” David hissed. “You telling me I’ve been replaced with a fucking woman? You seeing a girl, Martinelli?”

 

If she was smart, Angie would have denied it. It wouldn’t have been that difficult or unbelievable to just say Peggy was a friend, but Angie rarely chose the wisest option. “She’s better in bed than you ever were,” Angie laughed weakly.

That infuriated him, and Angie tried to prepare herself for the onslaught of blows from her ex. With the first kick, the wind was knocked out from her and she struggled to regain her breath. It hurt so badly. The world started spinning even more when she felt Acone’s foot connect with the small of her back and a sob of pain escaped her lips.

 

Angie started crying - mostly out of pain, but also because she missed Peggy. She wanted to play with the English woman’s hair, to kiss her lips, and to tease her about how her inability to sing. Angie wanted to go dancing with Peggy, because she was really one hell of a dancer, and whenever they danced, Peggy would hold Angie so close and always whisper sweet things in her ears.

 

But most importantly, Angie wanted to tell Peggy how sorry she was that she wasn’t everything the wonderful woman deserved. Peggy Carter deserved to be with a great man, with a hero, who could give her everything she could possibly desire. Angie couldn’t give her any of those things. She was a poor waitress living off of the charity of Peggy’s rich friend, too loud and clingy to possibly deserve someone as collected and perfect as Peggy Carter. And despite everything, Peggy still treated her like she was worth her weight in gold, which just made her more all the more perfect in Angie’s eyes.

 

God dammit, she was going to tell Peggy how much she loved her at least one more time. Even if she didn’t deserve her - even if her love wasn’t worth squat compared to Captain America’s. She wanted to tell Peggy that she loved her and David fucking Acone wasn’t going to take that away from her.

 

Everything was starting to blur and she could feel her consciousness slipping. There was no possible way she could fight back, especially while she was trapped on the ground and _Oh god, that’s blood. That’s a lot of fuckin’ blood_ , she thought.

 

She screamed. With all of her remaining strength, Angie Martinelli screamed at the top of her lungs and prayed to God someone would hear her because her eyes were starting to close and everything was going black. Even sound was distorted, but her screaming must have worked, because she couldn’t feel David kicking her anymore. Or maybe she was dying and her body couldn’t feel anything. Right before she passed out, though, she swore she heard the manager’s voice, but she had no idea what he was saying or doing, because everything went dark and she finally succumbed to her injuries.

 

Angie really hated April 18th.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I don't know a great deal about hospital visitation rules in the 1940s, so just go with it. Just go with it. (Remember to follow/request at rosebythesea.tumblr.com)

Jarvis was the first person to find out about what had happened. He was stopping by the automat for lunch, although a great deal of his visit was motivated by the desire to check in on the young waitress. He realized that if Mr. Stark acted distantly on the anniversary of Captain Roger’s death, Miss Carter was likely to do the same, and while he could not blame either of them, Jarvis realized Miss Martinelli may be struggling with her friend’s detachment.

But when he walked into the restaurant and saw a police officer speaking with the manager, Jarvis knew something was wrong. One of the other waitresses was kind enough to explain to him what had happened to Angie - her old boyfriend, a Mr. David Acone, had trapped her in the alleyway and assaulted her. The manager and a cook managed to stop the man and hold him until the police arrived, at which point Acone was arrested, but Angie was already unconscious and badly injured. An ambulance had been called and taken her away to the closest hospital, which the waitress had kindly provided an address for.

The moment the woman finished speaking, Jarvis thanked her and rushed to his car. Mr. Stark and Miss Carter were surveying a potential building for their new agency, along with a few government officials, on the other side of town. Traffic fought him the entire way and it only occurred to him halfway through the drive that he should have just called. Then again, the news would be easier delivered in person.

* * *

 

Peggy and the government officials were listening to Howard go over his plans fora weapon’s safe when Jarvis walked in, slightly out of breath, and interrupted the meeting politely as he could.

“Miss Carter, Mr. Stark,” he said, glancing around at the other men in the room. “May I speak with you in private?”

Peggy glanced over at Howard, who was wearing a rather puzzled expression at having been stopped. “We’re in the middle of something,” he pointed out. “Can it wait?”

“I’m afraid it cannot, sir,” Jarvis said. “It’s regarding Miss Martinelli.”

Peggy’s stomach dropped and she darted out of her seat, not bothering to listen as Howard made excuses for them both. The look on Jarvis’s face worried her beyond words, especially considering it was somehow related to Angie. _Her_ Angie.

“Miss Carter, I am so incredibly sorry,” Jarvis started once the doors closed, and as sweet as the man was, Peggy needed him to talk faster. “Miss Martinelli is in the hospital. She was assaulted by a former acquaintance and, the last I was informed, is unconscious.”

“Shit,” Howard muttered under his breath. “Alright, let me—”

“Who is responsible?” Peggy asked. Her hands were clenched tightly into fists and her entire body shook with anger. The fact that anyone would dare to harm someone so innocent, so gorgeous - so _hers_ \- infuriated Peggy. “Mr. Jarvis, who did this?”

“He has already been apprehended.”

Peggy was about to protest that she had the right to confront whoever would dare touch Angie, but Howard placed a hand on her arm. “You need to go see her. Go, I’ll finish up here.”

Peggy hesitated briefly, still furious, but when she thought about how alone Angie must be she gave in and nodded weakly. Jarvis led her out to the car, starting up and pulling off the curb the instant the doors both shut. They drove in silence, Peggy’s stomach churning the whole time.

Angie, her sweet, beautiful Angie, was lying in a hospital bed because some grimy bastard had dared to lay his hands on her. Peggy hadn’t been there to protect her or call for help -she hadn’t even thought about Angie much throughout the day. She had been caught up in her own thoughts, about Steve and radio static. Even that morning, she hadn’t spoken to Angie a great deal.

_What was the last thing I said to her?_ Peggy asked herself. God, she hadn’t even kissed Angie goodbye. Peggy had spent the entire morning lost in memories. She had failed to give her lover the attention she deserved or even an explanation for her behavior. Peggy desperately fought the tears that were threatening to spill, swearing to herself she wouldn’t think the worse until she saw what condition Angie was in.

Trying to get in to see Angie was more difficult than they had anticipated. Jarvis ended up yelling, as politely as one could yell, at one of the nurses to let them in to see her, but the nurse explained that until the doctors gave permission, no one would be allowed in.

Peggy collapsed in one of the waiting room chairs and buried her face in her hands - her body shaking with unreleased sobs. Her heart ached. All she wanted was to see Angie and kiss her doe-eyed actress, or at least have someone tell her what was going on. No one was telling them what was going on or how Angie was doing.

“Miss Carter,” Jarvis said softly as he took the seat beside her. “Don’t worry, I am sure she will be fine. Someone will explain the situation, I’m sure of it.”

“I didn’t,” she in took a deep, shaky breath and tried to continue. “I can’t remember what the last thing I told her was.”

“I’m sure—”

“This whole morning I all but ignored her. I was so busy thinking about Steve and what life might… Might be like if he was still here, I never stopped to consider her,” Peggy explained weakly. Her head was hurting from trying to keep herself from crying and she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to keep from breaking down. “What if she doesn’t wake up? What if the last thing I told her was about her work schedule, or where my shoes were? What if I…” _What if I never have the opportunity to tell her I love her again?_

Mr. Jarvis leaned over and tentatively reached out to grab her hand, squeezing it gently. “I am quite sure she knows how much you care for her, Miss Carter. And when she wakes up, you will be able to tell her everything you need to.”

Peggy smiled feebly and forced herself to nod. She unsure as to what she needed to tell Angie, other than professing her love to the younger woman over and over. All she wanted was to see the bubbly, loving object of her affection smile up at her and tell her she was alright. Peggy had lost too many people in her short life and she couldn’t afford to lose Angie, too. Comrades, family, Steve…

Steve. This same day, two years ago, Peggy had lost the man she loved. When they stopped searching and declared him legally dead, Peggy could feel a part of her die with him. But then Angie had come into her life and bit by bit, Peggy felt like her heart was rebuilding itself. It wasn’t often, but there were days when she managed to get by without thinking of Steve. Instead, Peggy would get caught up in Angie’s laugh or the sound of her singing voice, or the way she would pull Peggy’s hands whenever she wanted her attention.

She didn’t know how she would be able to survive if Angie died. Peggy couldn’t bear the pain of two lost loves. She was already having difficulty living with herself - _she hadn’t protected Angie_. She couldn’t. While Angie was being beaten within an inch of her life, Peggy had been lost in her own mind thinking about the man she’d lost rather than the woman she had.

If she was feeling any less emotional, she probably would have realized how ridiculous it was to assume that she would have been able to protect Angie, but it hurt so badly. Most days, it felt like Angie was the anchor to her existence and the idea of not being able to protect her at all times made Peggy shake with fear and anger.

A doctor walked into the waiting room, with a solemn look on his face. “You two are waiting for Angela Martinelli, yes?”

Peggy looked up from her feet and nodded at the man, unable to speak from the tightness in her throat. Until then, she hadn’t noticed that Jarvis was still holding her hand in support.

“We have called her parents, and they gave us permission to let you in,” he explained. “One at a time, and I’m only going to let you in for fifteen minutes each, do you understand? She’s still unconscious, and we aren’t sure if there’s going to be any permanent damage, but she’s going to be fine.”

Peggy let down a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. _Angie will be fine_ , she repeated to herself over and over. _She’s going to be fine._

She followed the doctor down the hallway and into a small room with two beds. Angie was laying in the one furthest from the door, bandaged and sleeping. Peggy rushed over to the side and let two of her fingers lightly trail the outline of Angie’s cheek, the uninjured one. There was a terrible bruise coloring her left cheek, and the poor girl had a black eye and cut lip. The hospital sheets were pulled up to her chest, hiding the rest of the damage.

“Most of the damage is to the abdominal area,” the doctor said as if he knew what she was wondering. 

Peggy was trying so hard not to hyperventilate at the thought. “C-can I have a moment alone, please?”

The doctor nodded curtly and exited the room, keeping the door open, though, so that the nurses could keep an eye on what was going on. The other bed in the room was unoccupied, however, giving Peggy a slight amount of privacy.

“I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered to the sleeping woman. “I should have been there to protect you.”

It was so difficult to watch Angie lie helpless in the bed, unmoving. Angie was always moving, even in her sleep, when she would curl up against Peggy’s side or toss and turn in an overly dramatic way.

“I need you to wake up.” Peggy could hear her voice crack. “Please, Angie. I don’t care if you yell at me for ignoring you. I am so sorry, my darling. Please wake up. I need to tell you that I love you. I need you to know how much I love you.”

For the first time, Peggy gave into the tears that had constantly been threatening to spill. Her whole body started shaking as she cried, although no noise escaped her lips.

“Angie,” she whispered between silent sobs. “Angie, love, please wake up.”

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha.. I should've posted this a long freaking time ago.

With his assets, Howard was able to transfer Angie to a private hospital, where she was able to have her own room and the visiting hours were more flexible. For two days, Peggy never left the hospital and slept in the chair by the bed’s side. Members of the Martinelli family poured in and Peggy found that she was rarely alone. Angie’s parents came the most often, both being retired, but there were also siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles constantly visiting. Some gave her a questioning look, perhaps unsure as to why Angie’s roommate was constantly there, but no one said anything.

Jarvis was a regular visitor, as well. After seeing the quality of the hospital food, he started bringing Peggy meals made by either himself or his wife, Anna. She would always smile appreciatively, but the food went hardly touched. Peggy found she didn’t have the stomach to eat much of anything.

Not being a family member, the doctors and nurses were hesitant to tell her a great deal about Angie’s situation. All she was told about the young woman was that her improving.

She was sitting in the chair by Angie’s bed, watching the young woman’s chest rise and fall in an even pattern. The injuries on her face were turning from the fresh purple to an ugly browned color, but at least Peggy knew that meant they were healing. She leaned forward to stroke Angie’s cheek, but had to stable herself as a wave of exhaustion overcame her.

“You need to go get some rest,” Howard said from the doorway.

“I’m fine,” she said shortly, not turning her attention away from her lover’s face. “I’ve slept.”

“For three hours in a chair,” he pointed out. “Go home, sleep in a bed.”

“I can’t,” Peggy insisted. “I need to be here for her.”

“I’ll be here the whole time you’re gone,” Howard promised. “You’re going to give the girl a heart attack if she sees you looking like that. Go home, take a bath, and get some sleep in a proper bed.”

Peggy looked up from Angie and almost started to cry. She was angry that he, amongst others, were constantly telling her to leave Angie to go take care of herself when Angie was lying in a hospital bed unconscious. She wasn’t the one who needed to be taken care of.

“Peggy,” Howard said gently, as if realizing what she was thinking. “Just a couple hours of rest, please? You know as well as I do that she wouldn’t want you running yourself into the ground like this. When she wakes up, I don’t want her yelling at me for letting you get like this.”

Howard stared at her for an unbearable length of time, silently pleading with her to be reasonable. It pained Peggy to admit he was right - Angie would give her an earful if she saw how worn down Peggy was, but no matter how much she yelled, it would be worth it if she would just wake up.

“I can’t,” Peggy repeated. “I’m sorry, Howard, but I can’t.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Of course you can.”

“You don’t understand,” Peggy tried to explain, but Howard shook his head.

“You realize that once she wakes up, you’re going to be too exhausted to actually talk with her, right?” he pointed out. “Go home for a few hours. I will call you if she so much as turns in her sleep, I swear.”

Peggy hesitated once more, but found herself nodding in defeat. Two hours, she told herself. Two hours to go home, bathe, change, and come back.

Howard escorted her out of the building and hailed a taxi for her, paying in advance and ordering the taxi driver to wait outside the mansion so Peggy wouldn’t have to worry about finding another to bring her back. Several times during the short ride to the mansion, Peggy would jolt upright after almost falling asleep. Her line of work required her to go long periods without sleep, but the emotional exhaustion on top of the physical one was taking its toll on her body.

When she arrived at the house, Peggy was caught off guard by the haunting silence of it. Angie was almost always home before her, singing, practicing her acting, complaining under her breath about her customers, etc. Before Angie, Peggy had found some peace in returning to a quiet home, but not it felt like a horrible, frightening thing.

Forcing herself to push aside such thoughts, Peggy climbed the stairs to the master bathroom and drew herself a bath. When she was finished cleaning herself, she returned to the bedroom to choose a new outfit, but the sight of the messy bed distracted her. Angie never made the bed, no matter how often Peggy reminded her to do so.Collapsing onto the spot Angie normally slept in, Peggy let herself cry into the pillow, not even noticing that she was falling asleep. 

_Radio static flooded the air._

_“Steve?” she asked, desperate to hear his voice again. For him to tell her he was alright. “Steve? Steve?”_

_There was no response. There would never be a response. Peggy felt tears running down her cheeks as she listened to the radio static cackle cruelly, as if taunting her._

_“Peggy?”_

_It wasn’t Steve’s voice, but someone was definitely calling her name over the radio. The static distorted the sound, but Peggy knew whoever it was, they needed her._

_“Peggy? Please answer.”_

_It was a woman’s voice. A voice desperately calling for help, for her help, and yet Peggy had lost her voice. Despite how much she wanted to, Peggy couldn’t find her voice to answer the crying woman._

_“It hurts, Peggy. It hurts so bad.”_

_The voice sounded so familiar, and yet Peggy couldn’t place it. Panic flooded her as she tried to respond to the woman, to ask what was hurting, but no words would come out._

_“I’m real scared, Pegs. I don’t know where you are, but I need you to come find me. Please. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”_

_Peggy was crying even harder than before, but even her sobs produced no sound. She could move and throw things across the room, but even when she did that, they fell on the ground silently. Nothing she did could produce noise. She had no way of letting the woman know that she wasn’t alone - that Peggy was there and always would be._

_“Peggy?” the woman cried out once more. “Peggy?”_

“Angie.”

Peggy woke up to the empty room, pillow damp from collecting her tears. The dreams of radio static had been decreasing in frequency as of late, but this was first time Angie had been incorporated into them. Why couldn’t she call back to Angie? Or remember her? Nothing like that had ever happened before, and it left her feeling even worse off than when she’d fallen asleep. Her whole body was shaking.

Still in a daze, Peggy quickly changed and exited the mansion. She had to get back to Angie. Leaving the hospital was a mistake, she thought.

The whole taxi ride back to the hospital, Peggy was tapping the bottom of the windowsill anxiously. She caught the taxi driver looking back at her in the rear view mirror, but didn’t have the energy to scold him for it. The only thing she could bring herself to care about was being by Angie’s side again.

The taxi pulled up in front of the hospital and Peggy walked as quickly as she could through the doors and up the stairs to the second floor, where Angie’s room was. Her stomach dropped when she saw Howard standing in the waiting area, pacing back and forth.

“Peggy, thank god you’re here,” he said when he saw her. “I tried calling the house, but no one answered.”

“What’s going on?” she demanded, looking over his shoulder to Angie’s room. The door was closed and the only window, a small slit on the door, was being blocked by the back of a doctor.

“She woke up,” Howard told her. “Angie’s awake.”

 


	4. Chapter Four

Staying in the waiting room one one of the hardest things Peggy had ever done. Every instinct told her to push her way through and get to Angie, but she realized that would most likely end in her banishment from the room, if not the hospital. So she paced back and forth anxiously, waiting for the opportunity to go in an see Angie.

After nearly twenty minutes, one of the nurses came out and smiled wearily at them. “You’re allowed to go in now,” she said. “She’s still pretty tired, so just be careful.”

Peggy glanced over at Howard, who nodded at her to go in alone. She smiled in appreciation and walked quickly into the hospital room.

Angie was leaning back against the mattress, which had been propped up so that she was sitting rather than laying down. Her eyes flickered open when she heard Peggy enter the room, and a small, pained smile found its way onto her lips.

“Hey,” she croaked. 

Peggy sat tentatively on the edge of the bed, worried that the shift in weight might somehow cause Angie discomfort, but Angie just reached for her hand and twined their fingers together loosely. Tears starting welling in Peggy’s eyes, and Angie lifted the back of her free hand to wearily wipe them away.

“Don’t go soft on me, English,” Angie chided her weakly. “It ain’t that bad.”

“I missed you,” Peggy whispered. “I was so scared. Are you alright?”

Angie dropped her arm from Peggy’s face and sighed deeply. “Guess so.” She looked so sad, Peggy couldn’t help but think, and her hands were shaking.

“Angie…”

Small streams fell down Angie’s cheeks as the woman tried to control her breathing. “They told me I c-couldn’t have any children. My u-uterus or somethin’ got too damaged.”

Peggy pulled her into a hug and held her close, willing the pain to go away. Angie returned it to the best of her abilities, but her exhaustion kept her from doing so completely. When they pulled apart, Peggy looked over to her shoulder to see if anyone was looking in on them. No one appeared to be giving them any attention, and so she leaned over and kissed Angie softly on the lips - something she had been longing to do for the last two days.

“I guess it d-doesn’t matter,” Angie stuttered out slowly. “But I always thought that when you… When you got tired of me, I’d at least get to have kids, right?”

“When I got tired of you?” Peggy repeated, completely shocked to hear such words coming from the American.

Angie nodded sadly, the sight of which broke Peggy’s heart. “C’mon Peg, don’t look at me like that. You’re this amazin’ super woman and I’m just… I’m just me. You deserved Captain America, and maybe you ain’t gonna get _him_ , but that doesn’t mean you gotta be stuck with me.”

“Angie, you don’t understand,” Peggy started.

Mr. and Mrs. Martinelli burst into the room before she could finish whatever it was she was going to say — not that Peggy was entirely sure what that would be. She moved off of the bed and went to stand on the side of the room, giving the Martinelli’s space with their daughter.

“Mia figlia,” Mrs. Martinelli shouted as she hugged Angie, watery eyed. “We were so worried about you!”

“I’m okay, Ma,” Angie reassured her.

Peggy stayed out of their way, but continued to stare at the younger woman. All she wanted to do was hold her close and reassure her, especially when Angie looked so defeated. She had never considered the possibility that Angie might feel self-conscious in their relationship; the girl certainly never showed any signs of it before. 

The Martinelli’s took the news of not having grandchildren through Angie far better than Peggy would have expected. Angie started crying again when she told them, apologizing that she would never be able to give them grandchildren. They both were sad, of course, but Mr. Martinelli kissed his daughter’s forehead and said, “We’ve already got plenty of grandkids through your brothers, Angelina. You don’t have to apologize to us.”

Peggy’s heart ached. She knew she should leave to give them privacy, but after two days of being separated from her, Peggy couldn’t leave Angie’s side. She couldn’t bring herself to care what the Martinellis or the staff might think — she needed to be near Angie.

“When they let you out, you’ll have to come stay with us,” Mrs. Martinelli asserted firmly. Peggy’s eyes widened and she looked at Angie desperately, silently pleading that she would decline her mother’s offers. It was completely selfish of her to hope so, but Peggy couldn’t help it.

There was a look of hesitation on Angie’s face, and Peggy worried that she would accept. That she didn’t want to stay with Peggy any longer. “I don’t…” Angie said, “I mean, the place I’m stayin’ at is a lot bigger, Ma. I’ll be fine there.”

“Nonsense,” Mr. Martinelli told her. “You’ll need someone to take care of you.”

“I will,” Peggy interjected. The Martinellis looked her up and down, as if they’d forgotten she was in the room. “If you’ll let me, of course.”

“Angela,” Mrs. Martinelli said, very clearly distressed at the idea of her daughter being put in the care of a strange woman — even if said women had been rooming with Angie for months, “I just want what’s best for you.”

Angie was torn between her parents and her lover. Nearly every part of her wanted to go home with Peggy that instant and just lie in her arms, to listen to the English woman’s heartbeat until she fell asleep. But the other part of her was afraid to face Peggy, who was looking at her so sadly.

Angie didn’t have any doubt in her mind that one day Peggy would leave her. And even though she wanted to enjoy every moment with her until that day came, Angie was starting to think that it might be better if they parted ways sooner rather than later. It would be easier for both of them, she thought, if they parted ways now.

But Peggy was staring at her with the most vulnerable expression Angie had ever seen. The older woman looked like her whole world would come crumbling down if Angie refused her, and Angie realized she would never be able to leave her. Not until Peggy left her first.

“Angie?” Her father said, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“I think it’d be best if I went with Peggy,” Angie said apologetically.

Mr. Martinelli nodded understandingly, but Mrs. Martinelli shot Peggy an angry look. “You better take care of my daughter,” she warned. “I can’t force her into comin’ with me, but I don’t like this. She should be home, surrounded by people who love her.”

“Ma—” Angie tried to protest, but Peggy stopped her.

“I care for your daughter immensely,” Peggy tried to explain without giving their relationship away too obviously. “She means more to me than I can possibly explain and I will do everything in my power to take care of her.”

Mr. Martinelli glanced back and forth between the two of them and sighed deeply. “Can I speak with you alone, Miss Carter?”

“Papa!” Angie exclaimed, but he waved her off.

“I’m not going to bully her, I just want to make something clear,” he said. “It’ll only take a minute, I promise.”

He walked out of the room and Peggy, after casting a sideways glance at Angie, followed him out. He walked down the hallway until they were out of earshot from where Angie and Mrs. Martinelli stood.

“You don’t need to explain your relationship with my daughter, but I’m going to ask you something and you need to answer me honestly.”

Mr. Martinelli was not an intimidating man. He was a short, stout man with thick black hair and sported a bushy mustache above his upper lip. He had the same round eyes that Angie did, giving him an earnest, sweet look. But as he stood in front of her, Peggy understood how far he would go to protect his child.

“I will,” she answered truthfully. 

“Do you love my daughter?”

“I do,” she told him without hesitation. It didn’t matter to her what type of love he thought she meant, although he seemed to be quite aware of what was going on between them.

His head tilted in acknowledgement of her feelings. “Last week, Angie came over for dinner. I overheard her talking with one of my daughter-in-laws, saying something about how this guy she liked was still in love with someone from his past. I’m going to go out on a limb and say she wasn’t talking about a man.”

“I—”

He held a hand up to stop her from trying to explain. “ _If_ she was talking about you, then you should know, Angie doesn’t seem to think you love her quite as much as she does you. Like I said, I only overheard the end of their conversation, but if that’s true, I expect you to fix it.”

“I-I will sir,” she whispered, but Mr. Martinelli was already walking back towards Angie’s hospital room.

Angie looked curiously at her when she walked in, but Peggy just offered a soft smile. It was incredibly painful to think that Angie had spent their entire relationship thus far thinking that Peggy didn’t love her with her entire heart, but Peggy had every intention of setting her straight on the subject.


	5. Chapter Five

Peggy was sitting silently in the back of the car, barely listening too the conversation Jarvis and Angie were having up in front. After three days, the doctors had finally released Angie from the hospital, and there was nothing in the world Peggy was more thankful for. Despite her best efforts, Peggy hadn’t been able to get a moment alone with the New Yorker, since nurses and family members were constantly in the room. At night, when the other guests left, Angie would kick her out, as well.

_“I can’t sleep with you watchin’ me like that,”_   Angie had said.

Part of Peggy wondered if Angie was trying to avoid spending time alone with her. Even when they were leaving the hospital, Angie had taken the passenger in the front of the car, rather than sitting in the back with Peggy. She tried to push the thought aside, seeing as how the two women would be alone together soon, but she was hyper-aware of the empty spot next to her.

“Wanna stay for a bit?” Angie asked as Jarvis helped her out of the car and towards the house.

Peggy wasn’t sure if he caught the way she was glaring at him, but he politely declined Angie’s invitation, much to Peggy’s relief. “I’m afraid I am otherwise occupied,” he said apologetically. “But tomorrow night, if you are available, perhaps my wife and I will stop in for dinner?”

“That would be lovely,” Peggy said. She was trying her best not to throw him out of the house so she could speak with Angie in private, but after days of waiting, her patience was growing thin. “Please tell Mrs. Jarvis I say hello.”

Something resembling disappointment flickered across Angie’s face, but she erased it quickly enough with a large smile. “Well thanks for drivin’ me home.”

“I am just so relieved to know you’re alright,” Jarvis told her. “Please do not hesitate to call if there’s anything I can do. For either of you.”

Peggy inclined her head and shut the door after he left. She turned around to face Angie, who was leaning weakly against the wall.

“Can you help me onto the couch?” she asked, clearly worn out from the day.

“Of course.” Peggy carefully led her towards the front sitting room and sat her down on the largest sofa in the room, setting her up with blankets and cushions. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“Some tea would be nice,” Angie said quietly, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

“I’ll be right back,” Peggy whispered and kissed the top of the younger woman’s head. She tried to ignore the way Angie tensed at it.

Peggy retreated to the kitchen and set about making tea for Angie. She stared at the kettle as she waited for the water to boil, wondering all the while what she was supposed to say to the woman in the other room. Peggy didn’t know if she should leave the subject alone while Angie recovered or if it would be better to set things straight once and for all. She also had no clue as to what she could say that would make Angie realize how much she loved her.

The kettle whistled and Peggy poured it into a mug, complete with three sugars. She could never understand how Angie liked it so sweet, but she smiled at the familiarity of making the tea all the same.

Peggy walked back into the room and laughed a little at the way Angie had buried herself in blankets. Two were wrapped around her legs tightly, and the third Angie was wearing like a shawl. She handed the cozy young woman her tea and sat down next to her.

“How are you feeling?” Peggy asked.

“Okay.”

An awkward silence hung in the air and Peggy wondered when the last time they spoke together was. It had to be that first day when Angie woke up — every other time, Angie had been engaged in a conversation with a family member and Peggy had merely been in the room, listening quietly.

“I love you,” Peggy whispered softly. Angie gave a small smile, but didn’t say anything. She merely took another sip of her tea and stared at the center of the room absently. “I mean it, Angie. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Angie mumbled, but she still couldn’t look the other woman in the eye.

Peggy felt incredibly out of place. Normally, Angie would be the one declaring her affections and snuggling in close to Peggy’s side, but Angie’s posture made Peggy feel unwanted.

“Do you want me to go?” Peggy dared to ask, afraid of the answer.

“No,” Angie sighed. “I mean… I don’t know.  I don’t think so.”

“Angie—”

The younger woman tucked her legs in close, flinching slightly at the movement, and rested her chin on her knees. “I love you, Peggy. I love you a lot. So much that it hurts sometimes. Because I’m so scared you’re gonna leave me. Every day, I wake up an’ look at you and wonder when you’re gonna wise up and leave me.”

“Oh, my love,” Peggy murmured, pulling Angie close to her chest. “I will never, never leave you.”

“You can’t promise me that,” Angie whispered, sounding utterly defeated. It shattered Peggy’s heart to hear her use such a hopeless voice. It shouldn’t belong to such the happy woman, who would jump up and down excitedly over the littlest things. “You’re _you_ and I’m just… me.”

Angie rested her forehead against Peggy’s shoulder, and Peggy could feel the fabric grow wet. She wrapped her arms tightly around Angie’s waist and kissed the top of the younger woman’s head tenderly.

“I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t,” Peggy said softly. “You are so strong, Angie, and so incredibly brave. You sing too loudly and laugh at your own jokes, but you are the sweetest woman I have ever met. How could you possibly think you aren’t enough for me?”

Angie was crying into Peggy’s shoulder and allowing the older woman to hold her, but she continued to shake violently. “H-how… You ha-had Captain America. How’m I s-supposed to compare to that?”

Peggy didn’t have an answer for that. She couldn’t deny the fact that she still loved Steve Rogers, or that she would probably always love him. He had been a true hero. There was no one like him, not even Angie.

“No one can replace him,” Peggy realized. “But I don’t want you to. I don’t want anyone to. Steve will always have a place in my heart, but I still love you. You are your own unique person Angie, you aren’t his replacement.”

Angie made an unimpressed grunting noise, and Peggy wished there was something — anything — she could do to make Angie understand.

“Wait right here,” Peggy said as she shot out of her seat and ran up the stairs towards the master bedroom. She shuffled through her drawers, discarding clothes everywhere in her desperate search for the object. It had been years since she even glanced at it outside of it’s box, but she could remember having brought it with her to Howard’s mansion. It wasn’t the sort of thing she could forget.

When she found the small velvet box, she ran back down the stairs clutching it tightly to her chest. Angie, still puffy and red-eyed from crying, looked up with a small quirk of her eyebrows.

“What’d you need?”

Peggy crossed the room swiftly and knelt down in front of the crying girl. It was difficult to do in her skirt, but she managed well enough. She pulled out the little box and opened it for Angie to see — a small golden ring with a single diamond.

“Marry me.”

“W-what?”

Peggy took in a deep breath and brushed the hair out of Angie’s eyes. “I know we can’t legally marry, but if we could, know I would whisk you to the town hall this instant and make you mine for the rest of my life. Since we can’t, however, at least indulge me in this. Let me give you my ring — well, it’s my grandmother’s ring, but—”

“Peggy…” Angie tried to stop her, but the older woman would have none of it.

“I want to be by your side for the rest of my life,” Peggy said earnestly. “So let me call you my wife, even if it isn’t strictly true.”

“I can’t… I can’t have children,” Angie whispered sadly.

“I couldn’t give you children either way,” Peggy reminded her with a sad smile.

Angie’s bottom lip started quivering as if she was going to break out into tears again. “I still think you’re gonna leave me.”

“Then let me spend the rest of my life proving to you that I won’t,” Peggy begged her. “I know this is incredibly foolish, but I want to see you wear my ring. I want to call you my wife. Even if I can only ever do these things in private. Even if the world never gets to know. Please?”

“You’re gonna break my heart, y’know that, English?” Angie asked between sobs. Peggy smiled brokenly and reached up to cup her cheek.

“Does that mean yes?”

“Yeah,” Angie mumbled. “Yeah. Give me the ring.”

Peggy grinned at her and took the slim band out of it’s case, slipping it on Angie’s finger carefully. Angie pulled her into a kiss, one that tasted like tears. 

“I love you,” she murmured into Angie’s lips.

“I know,” Angie whispered. “I’m just worried you won’t always.”

Peggy kissed her again, careful to avoid hurting her. She wouldn’t be able to convince Angie in a single evening that she wouldn’t leave her, but hopefully, she would have the rest of her life to prove her love. 

 

 

 


	6. Epilogue

Angie hated the walk from the front door to Peggy’s room. It was always painful to wonder how Peggy would be doing that day — how far back her memories went, how violent she would be, who she could remember, etc. Some days were worse than others, and Angie would always pray that she would walk in to a lucid Peggy.

“How’s she doing today?” Angie asked one of the nurses.

“She’s really quiet,” he said, offering her a supportive smile. “Hard to tell how much she can remember.”

Angie tried her best to stay optimistic and smile. With a shaky hand, she turned the knocked on the back of Peggy’s door and turned the knob. “Knock, knock,” she said brightly, despite not feeling so cheery. “Anyone home?”

Peggy was sitting upright in bed, staring out the window absent-mindedly. She glanced over at Angie when she walked in and scrunched up her face. “Who are you?”

“It’s Angie,” she said patiently. Sometimes it took Peggy a moment to recognize her, although Angie had a sinking feeling that today wouldn’t be one of those days. “Do you remember me?”

“Should I?” Peggy asked blankly.

So that’s the Peggy she had today. Angie smiled weakly and took the chair by Peggy’s bed, pulling out a plastic-wrapped cookie from her purse and placed it on the table next to them.

“I don’t know if you remember them, but our grand babies were visitin’ and we made cookies,” Angie told her. “They insisted I bring you one. Picked out the biggest one for you and decorated it themselves.”

Peggy didn’t say anything, though, so Angie sighed deeply and leaned back in her chair. “The kids keep askin’ me how you’re doin’. They’re gonna try to visit this weekend. Would you like that?” Still no response cam from the elderly woman.

Angie’s eyes started misting again, like always. Peggy was very rarely lucid, but Angie always managed to get her hopes up for the next time, which only ever resulted in her heart breaking. Over time, Angie found herself visiting less and less, due to her growing depression every time Peggy looked back at her with hollow eyes and asked who she was. Or worse, if they’d found Steve yet.

She twirled the ring on her left hand, remembering all of the years she’d spent with Peggy. “You promised me a long time ago that you’d never leave me, y’know that?” Angie felt a slick tear slide down her face, and she cursed her weakness. “You kept your promise for a lot longer than I thought you would. I always thought you’d go runnin’ off with some suave agent, but you never did.”

Peggy wasn’t watching her, and truth be told, Angie had no idea how much of it was getting through, but Angie kept talking for her own sake. “I think I started believin’ you.. That you wouldn’t leave me. After all, we had so many years together. Raised two beautiful kids, were there for all five of our grand babies bein’ born… But I was right, wasn’t I?” Angie’s voice cracked on the last word, and she swallowed to try to recover herself. “You ended up leavin’ me, didn’t you?”

Angie couldn’t stop the tears from falling as she sat by the bed, praying to any and all gods that Peggy would come back to her and prove her wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't let it end toooooo happily. Go find me on tumblr at rosebythesea.tumblr.com if you liked this and wanna see more


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